Grief and Love
Audio Recording by George Hahn
Since the recovery of six hostages’ bodies in Gaza, I’ve been pondering grief. As others have said, grief is the price we pay for love, a testament to the depth of our connection. It isn’t just about losing a loved one; it’s about losing what they represented to our family, community, and nation.
Grief, Apes, and DNA
We share 98% of our DNA with chimpanzees, including our capacity to grieve. Scientists have observed mourning in various species — cats, dogs, dolphins, and primates. Natalia, a chimp in a Spanish zoo, carried the body of her deceased infant for months. That’s grief, raw and undeniable.
Anthropologists argue that the anticipation of grief is key to attachment. Our fear of losing a child drives us to ensure their well-being. We cooperate and treat each other well to avoid the pain of loss. Paradoxically, mourning also brings us together and fosters community. On a larger scale, many wars end when the collective grief becomes unbearable, highlighting grief’s power to both divide and unite.
This capacity for mourning is deeply personal. When our Vizsla, Zoe, passed, our other dog, Gangster, retreated to his crate for days. More disturbingly, our youngest son began making his bed and following every parental instruction — a clear sign of distress.
Burial Rites
Burial rituals predate civilization and aren’t limited to Homo sapiens. In Spain, researchers found a 430,000-year-old Neanderthal burial site. The earliest known human burial, roughly 100,000 years old, was discovered in Qafzeh, Israel, where archeologists unearthed 15 skeletons — seven adults and eight children. A 12-year-old boy lay in a rectangular grave, arms folded, with deer horns placed on his chest. The care taken speaks volumes about the love felt for this child.
From Mesopotamia to Rome, Egypt to China, burial rites have been integral to preserving human dignity and fostering community. Even today, actor Nicholas Cage has constructed a pyramid mausoleum in New Orleans — his iconic performance in Leaving Las Vegas perhaps granting him some eccentric latitude.
Resilience and Coping
Our empirical understanding of grief comes largely from George Bonanno, a clinical psychologist who challenged the traditional Kübler-Ross model. Instead of five stages that are understood to be universal, Bonanno identified four distinct trajectories: resilience, recovery, chronic dysfunction, and delayed grief, or trauma. Resilience, by far the most common, is a trait Bonanno argues we’re hard-wired for. It’s messy, hence his phrase “coping ugly.”
Mo Gawdat, former chief business officer at Google’s X Development, shared his process for grieving his son’s death:
- Grieve fully, allowing all emotions.
- Research and accept the finality of death — “committed acceptance.”
- Take a leap of faith, believing in something beyond the physical.
Mo’s approach, while idiosyncratic, reflects the universal human experience of seeking meaning beyond death. “Acceptance means understanding that this is your new baseline,” Mo explained. “I will never receive another hug from my son. I will not hear his voice on the phone or see him play music ever again. That’s my new baseline. I will stop pretending otherwise. Committed means I can still improve my own life and the lives of those around me.”
The Israel-Hamas War and Collective Grief
The ongoing conflict in the Middle East has caused immense grief on both sides. Israel’s trauma on October 7 likely had a wider and deeper impact than 9/11 did in the U.S., given the relative size of the populations. There has also been staggering loss and grief registered by the residents of Gaza.
The recent recovery of six hostages’ bodies from Gaza’s tunnels sparked the first general strike in Israel since the war began. Tens of thousands are demanding a ceasefire and the return of remaining hostages. This outpouring of grief might be a turning point, illustrating how grief can both drive us to war and compel us to seek peace. Note: I’m skeptical.
Packing my son for his return to boarding school earlier this week was emotional. Putting away his size 10 New Balance shoes, cologne, and first razor I thought again about a different, darker parental pain — the anguish of Hersh Goldberg-Polin’s parents. Seeing them speak at the Democratic National Convention, when Hersh was reportedly still alive, made the abstract parade of death painfully real. As Stalin cynically noted, “One death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.”
Arlington
Arlington National Cemetery, with over 400,000 graves, is a microcosm of American history. It conducts about 150 funerals weekly, with the 3rd U.S. Infantry Regiment guarding the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier 24/7/365.
From Civil War soldiers to freed slaves, astronauts to Supreme Court justices, Arlington honors a diverse array of Americans who’ve shaped our nation. It’s not just a cemetery but a place of healing for families of the fallen, a testament to national gratitude and respect.
During the Civil War, the Union seized an estate belonging to Confederate General Robert E. Lee, building a cemetery there for thousands of soldiers killed by forces under Lee’s command. Arlington was also the site of Freedman’s Village, a refugee camp for former slaves that evolved into a thriving community. Section 27 holds the graves of an estimated 3,000 Black Americans who escaped slavery.
President John F. Kennedy rests there, honored by an eternal flame. General George C. Marshall, Winston Churchill’s “organizer of victory” in World War II, lies nearby. Admiral Hyman G. Rickover, the “father of the nuclear navy,” and Ira Hayes, a Native American from the Akimel O’odham tribe who was one of the six Marines who raised the flag at Iwo Jima, also call Arlington their final home.
Desecration
The Veterans Health Administration serves 9 million veterans across 1,300 facilities. Arlington, in its way, is a health facility for grieving families. The resources and ceremony committed to it comfort those who’ve lost loved ones. It’s 355 million Americans saying to military families: We recognize your loss. Your sacrifice has meaning, and we care.
By custom and law, Arlington is off-limits for political content. Yet, during a ceremony marking the anniversary of an attack that killed 13 U.S. troops in Afghanistan, the Trump campaign saw an opportunity for content. When stopped, they became abusive. Trump advisor Chris LaCivita later posted footage of the event, hoping to “trigger the hacks” in the Army.
This desecration of Section 60 poured salt on open wounds. As Ben Kesling, a former Marine officer, wrote, “Section 60 is one of the most sacred places for this generation of troops. It is where those who were killed in Iraq and Afghanistan are buried. Those graves are visited not by tourists looking for historical figures, but by mothers and fathers visiting their fallen son or daughter. In Section 60, wounds are still raw.”
Trump’s actions dishonored not just those who served, but America itself. The man who called U.S. troops killed in combat “losers” and “suckers” has found a new low. His disrespect for America, and for those who’ve made the ultimate sacrifice in its defense, is increasingly common. However, this specific behavior at Arlington is unique in its callousness.
Grief is the price we pay for love. Our grief testifies to the depth of our connections — to individuals, communities, and nations. There’s a word for Trump’s actions at Arlington: desecration.
Life is so rich,
P.S. This week I spoke with Simon Sinek about leadership, mentorship, and the struggles men face in building meaningful relationships. Listen on Apple or Spotify
P.P.S. I’m doing an Ask Me Anything with Section on September 26 on building wealth, companies, and happiness. It’s free — RSVP here. I recommend submitting your questions early.
I lost my brother recently
It was awful, he had one eye open , and a little Tear, 78 pounds 64
I’m glad we were there for him
Danny boy
“Grief is the price we pay for love.” Never was there a truer statement. I think a lot about Hersh Goldberg-Polin and his parents… especially his parents. I understand their level of grief all too well. What happened to Hersh, to his parents is tragic. Hersh died the most violent and senseless death imaginable. My son’s death was also violent and senseless. He died four years ago by suicide. While my son bears responsibility for his own death, there were circumstances that pushed him to act, that victimized him. His death clouds everything for me now, even in moments of joy because he should be sharing in my joyfulness. I’ve learned to cope with his death, but acceptance has been harder. That’s because it was unnatural and unfair. He wasn’t supposed to die before me and certainly not in the way he did. Hersh’s parents have said they failed him. They didn’t. They did everything they could’ve done to bring him home alive and safe. Their perceived failure is survivor’s guilt. I’ve never been able to get over mine, and I fear they never will either. The price we pay for love. I wish them peace.
Scott can’t write about anything without his TDS shining through. A beautiful tribute to Israelis killed by terrorists and grief devolves in to yet another screed about Trump. As Trump would say: SAD.
It’s not TDS, it’s the truth. The only Trump Derangement Syndrome rests within the minds of his supporters, they’re deranged.
Always appreciate your observations. One thing though, I would encourage you to evolve your word choice. Specifically, the use of the word “slaves” is punitive. The use of the word “enslaved” retains the humanity of people who were forced to live in a condition caused by others.
My father, my mother, and two of my uncles are buried at Arlington National Cemetery. This is a sacred space, representing selflessness, sacrifice, and valor to all Americans. Its desecration by this crude, demented clown is utterly beneath contempt. (Of course, disrespect for our war dead and wounded is nothing new for trump.) In contrast, let me praise the uniformly professional, compassionate staff at Arlington, who at every level through every interaction over many years have gone above and beyond to care for the families and their loved ones’ graves. I especially want to give thanks to the officer who valiantly tried to defend the honor of our war dead in the face of abuse and entitlement by a fool who can never understand the meaning of honor.
Interesting that your post was about grief and love and then you completely ignore the fact that it was the grieving Gold Star families who invited Trump to join them in Arlington to honor their fallen family members. Then (like most of the mainstream liberal media) you simply bash Trump. It’s surprising that a man as brilliant as you has succumbed to Trump Derangement Syndrome.
amen.
He’s desecrated so much and so many, like Stalin said of large numbers of dead, Large numbers of acts of desecration are now just a statistic. Trump will continue to desecrate and oh yes make news and money from it……The cancer grows, only one operation left to cure us, the election. Thanks Scott for your great writing. Best Always, Oz
I’ve felt a sense of dread ever since Scott shared his stance on the Israeli genocide of Palestinians. At first, I was confused—how could someone as smart, emotionally intelligent, and well-read as Scott, my “online guru” for the past two years, think like this? Then, I just felt sad, wondering if his worldview was shaped by his upbringing or age. But who am I kidding? Even a 9-year-old today knows about the mass killings Palestinians have suffered at Israel’s hands. He’s clearly choosing the other side due to personal or financial ties. I still find value in his non-Zionist posts, but I wish I had the courage, like many others, to unsubscribe.
I will find this courage right now. Using the power of numbers, which he uses so brilliantly to highlight the deadliness of October 7, while choosing to ignore the enormous amount of civilian casualties Israel is willfully causing, is disturbing, misleading, guilty.
As Kübler-Ross said, her “stages” were simply her own observations of some patients and not, as you wrote, a “model.” She said she regretted writing about them because people took it as a formula when she’d never meant it that way. Let’s please honour this truth and stop quoting the “stages.” It only demonstrates lazy thinking.
Scott, you have a gift for communicating, hearing and perceiving the human condition. Your ability to provoke thought, reflect on your own experience to tell the story and then synthesise it with those feelings and experiences of others is tremendous and makes one feel like they are part of a community. You demonstrate a cachet and a vulnerability that provokes a genuine voice. Keep doing what you’re doing, ‘man’ it’s good for all of us.
Life seems at times like it’s a tough gig, but how fortunate are we that we can sit/stand and read this article, reflect on it and even comment on it if we choose, having either confronted this topic, lived it, fear it or scream at news feeds on the suffering in the world.
An Australian journalist, Leigh Sales, has done incredible work in this space. Her book, Any Ordinary Day, is worth a look at; recently, she interviewed artist Nick Cave, who had lost two children. Their exploration of loss and grief is profound. Then, if you listen to how Anderson Cooper interviews the relatives and friends of victims (the most recent school shooting), you can feel the humanity, the gentle revelations that touch on how the most simple characteristics we each have give so much joy; he turns those simple attributes into a celebration of lives lost too soon.
I just read your post and thought I would leave a comment but first I read what others had already said about it. Now my reaction is to all the earlier comments. I am simply fascinated by the extremely different points raised. It would seem they read very different articles. However, it is obvious that the strongest opinions say more about the person commenting than about your article. What is important to me is that you have stimulated me to reflect more on grief in its many manifestations.
Get your facts straight: Trump was invited to Arlington by 6 of the 13 families who lost family members due to the Afghanistan withdrawal debacle created by Biden. Those same family members requested a photo with Trump. See those family’s video on X denouncing the mainstream media’s coverage as lies.
Great article.
On October 7th Hamas barbarity broke humanity’s heart. Over 1,200 lives ended, needlessly. On that day, we were all Israeli. No historical grievances, however protracted or intolerable can justify the senseless murder of innocent Israeli civilians. Nothing amplifies the barbarity of this more than the fact that many of those innocent civilians were women and children. Such acts contravene international law designed to enshrine humanity in the worst possible context – conflict. It is clear, Israel has the right to be defended. Hamas has to be stopped.
In the 11 months since October 7th over 41,000 Gazan lives have ended, needlessly. Our hearts still breaking. Now, we are all Gazan too. No historical grievance, however recent or raw can justify the senseless murder of innocent Gazans. Nothing amplifies the barbarity of all this more than the fact that the majority of those murdered were women and children. Such acts contravene international law designed to enshrine humanity in the worst possible context – conflict. It is clear, Palestine has the right to be defended. The Israeli Government has to stop.
Justice can only exist when it applies to both sides. Peace can only exist when it can be felt by all. More death only breeds the next generation of the same tragedy. A recognition that all lives are equal is required because only love will solve this problem. We are all Israeli. We are all Gazan. We are all human.
Your editorial – where you mention Donald Trump disrespecting Holy ground, is unacceptable. Lies. Families of fallen soldiers asked him to be there to commemorate fallen soldiers of the botched Afghanistan withdrawal. They invited Vice President Harris to appear. She did not show up. Donald Trump – once again did not do anything wrong. Fix your lies.
Agree. Is the photo op or apparent “desecration” worse than the incompetence that killed 13 in the biggest military blunder in our modern history?
Other Forms of Grief.
I became paraplegic sitting at my desk, I shit you not.
I had a circulatory aneurism in my spinal column that burst and crushed my cord. It left me paralysed from the waist down. I recognise the grieving process you outline.
I miss my body.
I used to ride anything with 2 wheels and there wasn’t any part of a mountain I couldn’t ski. I mountain biked, played tennis and golf with my sons and as they were in their early teens, this felt like my time with them. The loss was utterly devastating.
In hospital that first night, thoughts of utter desperation started to infiltrate my mind and outlook. But then the surgeon who operated on me visited my bedside. He told me the diagnosis that I would never walk again and that I had lost all bowel, bladder and sexual function. And then he said “There is one thing I want you to know. I have been a neurosurgeon for 28 years and I have seen what has happened to you only 4 times before. But, you must listen to me, because this is important. You are the only one I got to talk to post-surgery, the others died as the blood eventually reached their neck and they suffocated. That makes you the luckiest man I know.”
Now, 10 years later, with the benefit of my true friends, my sons, my partner and family, I don’t even think about my disability. My life is just as full as it ever was. If you can look forward and focus on what you have, not what you have lost, you’ll be just fine.
The Atlantic article claiming Trumps said those things about our fallen has been debunked. Every source used except one have refuse to come out in the open and testify he said losers and suckers. The one guy who did come out said that he was with Trump the whole day and never heard him say anything close. This is why you think he lies. Because you’ve been lied too. And now you’re lying to your readers. Pretty disappointing seeing you slip further into the fog since the assassination attempt. You’ve been doubling down hard on exposing Trumps lies and never ever mention Harris or Biden doing the same thing. You’re doing your part to get Harris votes. And it’s propaganda at this point.
I mean his Chief of Staff, John Kelly, confirmed the story, but we’ll never know for sure as it’s hear say. Sure Trump says a lot of very unpresidential nonsense, but if we judge him by actions here he skipped out on honoring the 1,800 marines who died stopping the German advance at Belleau Wood, alledgedly because it was raining.
If that is still too hearsay for you, you can watch him on video publicly insulting John McCain’s service and time in the Hanoi Hilton. On video, a sitting president insulting a former naval aviator, war veteran, POW and presidential candidate.
I’m not voting for Trump but did you have to craft an entire article just to create a shot at him?
He’s doing it more and more. It sucks but he’s going to do whatever he wants.
I thought the same thing!
After 10+ years of reading Scott’s stuff, I am finally unsubscribing. Yet another absolutely tone deaf take on the Israel-Hamas conflict. Scott has expressed such empathy over the years around the topics of healthcare, education, and children etc. that I can only put his inability to fully acknowledge the suffering in Gaza down to his aversion to Instagram / TikTok and the fact that he might not be aware of what’s happening on the ground in Gaza on a daily basis. Scott, if you’re reading this, I’d implore you to follow Motaz Azaiza (www.instagram.com/motaz_azaiza), a photo journalist who has just been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his coverage of the conflict. The stories from the families of the Israeli hostages are heart breaking for sure, but there is a non-stop string of horror happening on an hourly basis in Gaza that is truly difficult to process.
Maybe they shouldn’t have started a war or, after starting the war, not hid amongst their people? What’s amazing is you can’t admit Israeli suffering. You’ve been completely co-opted. Do unsubscribe and go back to your echo chamber.
Great comment, completely agree
Scott is a good guy, but he has absolutely no regard for Palestinian lives. He probably loves to hear the stats of all the dead babies.
I’ve felt the same way ever since Scott shared his stance on the Israeli genocide of Palestinians. At first, I was confused—how could someone as smart, emotionally intelligent, and well-read as Scott, my “online guru” for the past two years, think like this? Then, I just felt sad, wondering if his worldview was shaped by his upbringing or age. But who am I kidding? Even a 9-year-old today knows about the mass killings Palestinians have suffered at Israel’s hands. He’s clearly choosing the other side due to personal or financial ties. I still find value in his non-Zionist posts, but I wish I had the courage, like you, to unsubscribe.
Arguably your weakest post in many ways. Normally, there is a structure to your posts. A trigger followed by the context that leads to a larger point and eventually you end with a human angle/ truth. Seems this post is not written by the usual staff and feels like an incoherent thought. Am not an American and guess Trump has done worst things than what you have talked about. Hope you get back t your usual self soon.
Apparently, Trump Derangement Syndrome is a negative attribute according to some of your followers (who accuse you of it, and then unsubscribe–repeatedly). Trump IS deranged and it affects many of us, call it a syndrome if you like. He went from laughingstock to most NY’ers for decades, to the leader of the largest cult America has ever witnessed. He says stupid lies everyday that the media reports on. And like rubbernecking at highway accidents, we can’t resist a peek.
holy trump derangement syndrome. you really need to break out of that echo chamber. theres plenty of reasons to dislike trump without falling for madness of your in group, which you clearly have. sad. remember your nonstop “muh russia muh mueller”. i see youve not updated your priors. consider it possible youre being systematically misled by the media gaslighting.
by all means attack trumps policy. but repeating non stop whatever outrage du jour the media wants you to believe happened (90% of the time bs) is just…. well. sad. and frankly part of the reason he’s likely going to win again. it’s the fault of people like you who just simply cant remove their blinkers.
Totally agree you have a platform to misinform unfortunately. The families of the 13 soldiers have appreciated their sons and daughters being respected by being remembered as opposed to our clueless president who was caught multiple times looking at his watch while parents were seeing there dead sons and daughters being unloaded. It’s fine that for whatever reason you support where our country is at compliments of the Biden/Harris regime but at least be truthful in your posts.
Really disappointed in you. So the deaths of 6 hostages invoked feelings of grief but not the 40,000 Palestinians who have been murdered since October 9th. Do you not count Palestinians as humans? This article reeks of white privilege and erasure of brown bodies
Give me a break. Hamas leaders slaughtered 1,300 Israelies in a terror attack. Raped their women. What did the US do when Japan bombed Pearl Harbor? Or 9/11? Can’t stand morons like you. If you want to protect Palestians try not slaughtering innocent Israelies. Period.
Waqas cares about Muslim deaths, that’s all. He doesn’t care who started it, or the manner in which it was carried out. His hatred runs too deep.
You are a brilliant guy but your politics always manage to screw up your point. We get it you are a liberal, all politicians are cheap opportunists. You should talk about how taxing unrealized capital gains is a good idea. That’s right, you are already ultra wealthy, screw everyone else.
You know, I’ve been following your work for a while, but this right here? This is the one that made me hit unsubscribe. Not sure what happened, Prof G, but you’ve lost the plot. Time for some deep self-reflection, my friend. Life is so rich, but this? Not it.
Completely agree
Scott, you make me proud to be an NYU alumnus
Since October 7th about 41k people have died in Gaza. That puts the per 10000 capita number at 177. How come this did not make the chart? This post seems to be highlighting Israeli suffering without equal weight put to the deaths Israel inflicts and has inflicted for decades.
You make me proud to be an NYU alumnus
Totally agree you have a platform to misinform unfortunately. The families of the 13 soldiers have appreciated their sons and daughters being respected by being remembered as opposed to our clueless president who was caught multiple times looking at his watch while parents were seeing there dead sons and daughters being unloaded. It’s fine that for whatever reason you support where our country is at compliments of the Biden/Harris regime but at least be truthful in your posts.
Scott, Prof Galloway, makes me proud to be an NYU alumnus, and a member of the critical thinking community, concerned about humanity
Scott, Prof Galloway, makes me proud to be a member of the critical thinking community, concerned about humanity
There are bots in here?
100%. This is one of probably ten tone death posts / comments of Scott’s on this topic in the last few months.
No, the desecration is what the Biden admin did, withdrawing from Afghanistan and then pretending it never happened or even giving shit. Weak gaslighting buddy!
Thank you for working to put human perspective into current world events. Given their relative population sizes, October 7 was the equivalent of about 60,000 Americans murdered or taken in a single event (for comparison, the entire 12-year American participation in the Vietnam War resulted in about 60,000 servicemen deaths). In fact, there are only 15,000,000 Jews in the world and there is only 1 Jewish-majority country — whereas, there are 2,400,000,000 Christians and 108 Christian-majority countries, and over 2,000,000,000 Muslims and 50 Muslim-majority countries (Muslims will be the most populace religion in about another decade). As final figures to consider, Islamist violence is far and away the primary cause of global armed conflict, resulting in the murder of millions in Africa and Asia in the past decade. While Stalin was unfortunately correct to observe that vast murder-schemes are statistics, we should all be able to reduce those statistics back to their component individual tragedies.
Using the same math, about 2% of Gaza’s population has been erased by Israel. This would translate to 191,160 Israelis or 6.7 million Americans dead within eleven months. Any such period of time would be a history defining event, but when the victims do not look like you…meh. Right?
Dear Scott, I am a big fan, and I have benefited from and enjoy your insights. Yes, I fully agree with you that the senseless death of six hostages is horrific. However, I think this particular post high lights how we are missing the larger picture. The Palestinian deaths are equally tragic.
Yours is one of the few newsletters I read. I always learn something new from you and I have rarely questioned your statements. Today is one of those days: I, too, am sad about the Israeli hostages and have thought so much about the young American-Israeli man who was so brutally and senselessly killed by those monsters. AND, yet, I wonder why is it that you have not extended the same level of recognition to so many young and equally innocent Palestinians. If a group of people bomb your home and kill THOUSANDS (40,000+ per the UN), isn’t that a terrorist attack as well? Does your sense of justice and truth only goes one way?
Professor Galloway, I enjoy reading your updates, but the bias here is troubling. Put politics aside – there were 168 deaths in Oklahoma City in 1995, in a city of about 700k people. Was that attack not foreign enough or brown enough to be considered terrorism? You’re smarter than this.
Many of us Palestinians are grieving too. Grieving for Aysenur Eygi, an American who was murdered by Israel today. Grieving for our family and friends who have been killed or worse. And yes, grieving for the victims and hostages of October 7, even if so many of you refuse to believe compassion for all human life is possible.
I hope that we can learn to show compassion to all those who are grieving. Aysenur’s parents deserve compassion as much as Hersh’s parents. One life is not more precious than another.
Six deaths vs. over 40,000 (and thousands uncounted underneath the rubble)
Oct 7th vs. everything before and everything since.
If you don’t see Palestinians as human beings, I guess they are just statistics. When it’s not Israelis the crimes that go unpunished and shoved aside as the cost of doing war. It’s also interesting to note WHEN grief becomes relevant and when it is just the cost of doing business.
Scott, you are an inspiration and a gifted speaker but your biased perspective here is grotesque and inhumane. Your narrow definition of terrorism fails to include state-sanctioned actions such as bombing schools and hospitals which has been widely documented and condemned. You fail to call out gross violations of international law both by Israel and the armed settlers it enables to humiliate, oppress, terrorize and marginalize Palestinians every single day.
Allow yourself to feel grief ‘on both sides’ – life can be so rich.
My wife and I watched as our 15-year-old daughter died in front of us while the Children’s Hospital Emergency Transport Team (CHET) worked to revive her. Nothing prepares you for that sight, nor the nightmares and grief that follow.
I read your article hoping to learn more about grief, love, and your perspective. As usual, I appreciate about 80% of what you write but dislike 20%. I’m confused as to why you felt it necessary to bring politics into a topic that touches so many people deeply in such different ways.
Trust me, nothing you or anyone else says will influence my vote. But you had an opportunity to help me just a bit on my journey of learning how to cope with grief and how to help others facing it – so thank you for that 80%. On the other 20%, I’d like to submit a question – man to man – to you Scott: Can you imagine how much better our world could be if we focused more on helping one another, rather than tearing each other down?
I so appreciate your thoughtful, heartfelt comment. My husband and I lost our 17 year old son and thought finally I would be able to read a post from prof G that wasn’t political, but I was wrong. He doesn’t get it. When the families of the 13 dead soldiers come out to vehemently disagree with Miss Harris and Peof G this post has no place.
I guess the Palestinian deaths fall into the statistic category for you. Hmmn.
I wish the deaths would stop on both sides of the Israel-Hamas battle. However, the protesters only want one side to stop fighting, which would mean a lot more Israeli deaths than the overall deaths on both sides now.
I saw Kamala Harris hesitate on condemning destructive protests when Netanyahu came to DC, like she had to weigh public opinion first. She did condemn the protesters, though. She might not be that good at forming opinions herself, but she’s a decent barometer. Not many people want to see Israel wiped out by Hamas.
Scott, the name of your newsletter does beg suspension of disbelief. Granted, it’s your space. You may be emotionally invested in certain things, and therefore compare them emotionally to others. But please, don’t compare what could be the ‘relative’ pain and loss from 9/11 (or any other act of terror) to October 7 – based on country size, population, and number of victims, yet! Ugh. Egregious miscalculation, comparing tragedies like that. Surprised you even think in those terms.
Thank you for writing this. It’s unfortunate that some readers can’t accept your understanding a family’s for what it is and how you relate to it. Instead they take it as an opportunity to attack Israel.
Scott, thank you for a deeply felt piece.
On the changing notions of grief:
When my sister died suddenly earlier this year, I was told often by well-intentioned people that I would eventually find “closure”. Closure suggested an ending, a putting away of something, moving on, and it felt antithetical to me.
I finally found great solace and comfort in the wise words of Francis Weller, who contends that profound grief weaves itself into the fabric of our beings, a chiaroscuro necessary to also feel great joy deeply. In that grief, we have an opportunity to become sherpas for those new to the journey.
That in itself is a difficult task, but I believe core to what makes us human, what connects us.
Scott, I’ve read a lot of your emails and forwarded a number to my son because I have believed that you had clear-eyed vision. However your one-sided position of support of Israeli over Palestinian lives comes through loud and clear, and makes me sick. You need to go off by yourself for a week of reflection on why you would be so biased in your value of life.
I loved it and sadly can relate
The losers and suckers story is a media hoax at worst, and at best, not able to be confirmed due to conflicting accounts from individuals who were there.
Does Scott care to comment on Biden checking his watch during the funeral for these soldiers, who were killed in the first place by his disastrous pull out from Afghanistan?
Notable piece of context that Scott left out was that the families of the soldiers invited Trump be there in the first place!
Scott, as many well-regarded voices have argued and proven with historical data and facts, Oct 7 did not happen in a vacuum. Palestinians since before the creation of the state of Israel, have been greiving the loss of their villages, loved ones, the loss of their communal societies, their loss of hope to have their humanities and dignity recognized at the hands of settler colonial realities with names, weapons, sponsors, and hands. Today, much of this settler colonial reality is also extremist and cruel, dangerous zealots, as Amos Oz called them not long ago. This fundamenrtlistic reality is dehumanizing of others, no different than the terrorizing nationalist fundamentalisms we see in other religions (Islam, Hindu, etc. visible today in certain parts of the world). I know your text can only be so long, and is impressionistic to a degree, but at least acknolwedge the gaps and contradictions in your own relfection.
Thank you, Scott – I love reading your thoughts and observations. These emails are a gift I’m grateful for!
The Lancet says there are 200,000+ casualties in Gaza in a population of 2.3m that are simply defending their homes and homeland from genocidal colonists.
What about their grief Scott?
Your alignment with the genocidal regime casts a pallor over whatever wisdom you might espouse.
After a tough week holding my wife almost every day in my arms as she cried after the murder of the six innocent hostages your post helps put things in perspective. Thanks.
Yes it is deeply saddening to hear the news of more innocent Israeli people being killed but in a post about grief why is it that empathy can’t also be extended to those killed in Gaza? Regardless of your politics or your opinion on the ongoing conflict you shouldn’t fail to recognize the immense level of suffering of those in Gaza. These are human beings, they aren’t animals. You talk about the relative impact of various terror attacks, you have over 40,000 killed out of a population of 2m in an area smaller than many American cities. How is that for impactful? It’s astonishing how smart people can be so blinded by their political opinions and overlook the toll of human suffering right under their noses.
Thank you, Scott. As always, amazing perspective and deeply moving.
Excellent! Respect for all is paramount in any society. It’s a sad commentary that a Presidential candidate isn’t smart enough and caring enough to respect the fallen, who died making his opportunity to run for President possible. Sad!
Trump was invited by the Gold Star families. Biden and Harris got their kids killed in the disastrous Afghanistan withdrawal and refused to show up. That is the real disrespect. Sad!
Perhaps you have forgotten how Trump treated Gold Star families in the past. Photo opportunities, even at the request of a family, are not permitted. And surely you know that Trump is more interested in the election and staying out of jail than any sympathy for the deceased’s family.
Imagine taking the time to write a whole blog post to criticize Trump LOL. If you have a severe case of TDS, you should check that with your doctor.
Great post until the weak dunk on Trump.
Why do you have to make everything about Trump? The Gold Star families invited him. They have filmed videos slamming Biden and Harris for ignoring them. Obama, McCain, and Biden have all staged photo ops at Arlington. Biden was president during October 7 and has failed to rescue American hostages. If that were Trump, you would be livid. The suckers and losers comment was also a hoax. Stop spreading them, you partisan hack.
Scott exposed a truth so beautifully. I do not understand why Trump’s supporters keep excusing his every transgression, whether that be disrespecting women, breaking the law, desecrating our troops. We are all Americans – you too “Stolen Valor”, yet you condone the actions, the vile statements, the partisan hate, and the abuse of this despicable human being that is Trump. Thank you Scott for unpacking and exposing the truck so beautifully.
Biden and Harris desecrated the troops by getting them killed. He looked at his watch when their bodies were transferred home. The families invited Biden and Harris to the ceremony, but they ignored it. That is the ultimate disrespect to young men and women who sacrificed their lives for this country. You wouldn’t recognize patriotism or truth if it hit you in the face because you regurgitate propagandists like Scott and MSM.
Beautiful post other than the missed opportunity to grieve the Palestinians also senselessly murdered nearly everyday. We grieve for them all, those who lost their lives on October 7th and perished as hostages, as well as the innocent women, children, and men who are not terrorists but paying for their oppressors’ (Hamas) sins. Weird to talk about grief with little compassion for ALL affected.
This is well put. However, Palestinian people have to take responsibility for enabling Hamas. What did they think would happen when their leadership slaughtered 1,300 innocent Jews? When terrorist attacked us we invaded 2 countries and thousands of Afghans were killed. It is horrible but Afghanistan was harboring the terrorist.
We should call out all the violence equally and not only grieve a few. By doing that you are justifying the cycle of violence. Look at Afghanistan and Iraq. Our involvement didn’t make anyone safer. If we want safety give people a mortgage and middle class existence. That creates stability not killing eachother.
No more war!!! Good job my friend. Brotherhood of man.