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Grief and Happiness

Scott Galloway@profgalloway

Published on August 11, 2023

This week on No Mercy No Malice, we’re featuring a guest post from Mo Gawdat, an Egyptian entrepreneur, former senior executive at Google, and bestselling author on human happiness. We had Mo on the Prof G Pod a few weeks ago, and his message deeply resonated with our team and listeners. Mo’s passion for humanity, intellectual rigor, and strength of mind is inspiring. We asked him to share the origin story of his work on happiness with our No Mercy No Malice readers, and he agreed. His thoughts are below.

 


 

Grief and Happiness

by Mo Gawdat

I spent over half my life working in technology, a career that culminated in a leadership role at Google, where I was chief business officer at Google X, the company’s “moonshot factory.” It was in every sense a dream job, working with the world’s smartest people on our most interesting problems. In 2014, however, my life changed irrevocably. The change originated in a profound tragedy. But then that tragedy led me to a new mission: to better understand happiness and communicate that understanding to the world. You can read more about that project on my website, mogawdat.com. This is the story of how I got there.

For a long time, I sought out concrete accomplishments and rewards, and that drive helped me become successful as a technologist and business executive. I made a lot of money at a young age by understanding mathematics, programming, and online securities trading, and my career accelerated from there. But the more money I made, the more miserable I became. I was a rich, grumpy brat.

Eventually, I came to see this myself, through the eyes of my children. When my daughter was just 5 years old, full of joy and optimism, I snapped at her for interrupting something I was doing on my laptop, causing her to cry. I realized then: I didn’t like the person I was. I started to research happiness — but knowledge is not always enough.

My son Ali, from the day of his birth, embodied the secret to happiness. He was like a little Buddha, an inscrutable monk with that peace of the truly happy about him. In 2014 I lived in Dubai, and my son lived in Boston, where he played in a band. He called me one day, out of the blue, and asked if he could come visit. He said, “I feel obligated to come and spend time with you.” An odd choice of words, right? Before his visit, however, he had to have surgery. It was one of the most common procedures you can imagine: removing his appendix. But the surgeon inexplicably made a cascading series of mistakes, five in a row. All preventable, and any one or two of them fixable. But five in a row was too much. Hours later, my son had left the world.

Not long before he died, Ali told his sister about a dream he’d had, and she shared it with me. A dream that he was everywhere and part of everyone. I know now that in many spiritual traditions that is the definition of death. At the time, however, I saw it as a calling — and I still do — a challenge from my son to me. I was a senior executive at one of the world’s largest and most connected companies; I knew exactly, literally, how to reach billions of people. “Consider it done,” I told my daughter when she described Ali’s dream. I decided then to write a book about happiness, about everything Ali had taught me about it, to convey his essence through the written word to those billions of people. If I could do that, then Ali would be everywhere, be part of everyone, just as he had dreamed.

To jump ahead in my story: Somehow the universe made it work. Within six weeks of the book’s launch, we were a bestseller in eight countries. My videos were viewed 180 million times. I formalized my life’s goal: to make a billion people happy. Everything I do professionally — these days, I focus on AI — is in service of bringing happiness to a billion people.

Yet all that happiness was borne of the most terrible grief imaginable, a parent’s loss of a child. Before I could truly understand happiness, I had to pass through grief.

There is a finality to death that contradicts everything we’ve ever been told, undermines everything we’ve relied upon. It triggers our fear, it triggers our helplessness, it triggers our insecurity. Suddenly, we can no longer trust life. We miss the person we love who left us. We are scared for them and where they are, and scared for ourselves without them. We have lots of uncertainties. It’s an overwhelming trauma.

The first step through it is to grieve, fully grieve. If you are angry, be angry. If you are unsure, be unsure. If you want to take a break, take a break. This first step is largely out of our control. But then there are two steps that follow, one logical, one spiritual.

The logical step may sound harsh. But they say the truth will set you free. And this is the truth: There’s absolutely nothing, nothing you can ever do to bring them back. I have a very mathematical, logical mind, so, believe it or not, I went out and did the research. Has anyone ever come back? I knew people do come back from near-death — I had to know, what’s the limit to that? I was in the moonshot business, remember.

But, of course, Ali was truly gone. There was no technology or technique that could change that. I could hit my head against the laboratory wall for 27 years, but he’s not coming back. And while I was torturing myself, the world wasn’t getting better. So I had to get to a place of acceptance. I call this committed acceptance. 

“Acceptance” means understanding that this is your new baseline. I will never receive another hug from my son. I will not hear his voice on the phone or see him play music ever again. That’s my new baseline. I will stop pretending otherwise. “Committed” means I can still improve my own life and the lives of those around me. You don’t have to know how you’ll do it. You tell yourself, “Now that I’ve accepted this tragedy, I’ve accepted this pain, I’m going to crawl out of it.” The word is “crawl” because that’s how it feels. Today I’ll do one thing that makes my life better than yesterday, and tomorrow I’ll do one thing that makes my life better than today. That’s it.

That’s the practical step, committed acceptance. It’s about the physical world, the reality we experience with our senses. The world which Ali has left, and the world I can make better, a little bit every day. But spirituality and science both tell us that this is not the only world, not the only way to understand existence. I call this other step the spiritual step, but you could also call it the quantum step. Quantum mechanics is physics at the atomic scale, the laws that govern the building blocks of what we know as space and time. And it teaches us that there is more to the universe than meets the eye. Which is something spiritual teachers have been telling us for centuries.

There is a nonphysical aspect to life. Call it consciousness, call it the spirit or soul: There is something beyond the physical about us. That nonphysical element is the part that disconnected from my son’s body when he left. The handsome form he left behind on that intensive-care table was no longer him. You could feel it, you could feel that his essence was no longer there. That essence is life, and it is outside the realm of traditional physics, outside space and time. It has to be, or we wouldn’t be able to perceive space or the passage of time. There’s a subject-object relationship there, between consciousness (or the soul, or the life force, or the spirit) and the physical world.

That aspect of life, I will call it consciousness, is distinct from the physical form in which it resides. It neither comes into existence when that physical form is created nor goes out of existence when the form decays. Death is not the opposite of life. Death is the opposite of birth. Life exists before, during, and after. My son’s physical form was born, and my son’s physical form decayed. But the essence of my son, his consciousness, has never gone anywhere. His body will never again live — that’s committed acceptance — but his consciousness never died.

I see this from a physics point of view more than a religious point of view, but either way, I tend to believe my son is OK. And I know that I, too, will leave this physical form and that I, too, will be OK. I don’t know how, exactly, because I’m still here, in the physical world. But whatever happens to our consciousness when the physical form decays, I don’t believe it goes to a bad place. In fact, it’s not even a place, it’s not even a time. It’s an eternity of consciousness. And that’s the truth of who we are. My son taught this to me, in his dream. We are everywhere, part of everyone.

 

Mo Gawdat

Comments

78 Comments

  1. Josh Collins says:

    Thank you, Mo. I love this. One question: do you think that the individual’s consciousness existed before the individual was born, or does it develop at conception or birth or during early stages of physical life? I am curious how you think about this.

  2. Hoot says:

    Thank you for sharing. I respect his views. Gave me hope to understand what I’m unsure of.

  3. Julie A. Starr says:

    I cannot even begin to understand the pain that a parent feels when they lose a child.
    However, I do understand the behaviour of a friend who has lost theirs.
    Having a few friends who have lost their children I see an understandable similar trait.
    I wish I could ease their pain
    Firstly alcohol played a big part.
    Block it out
    Numb the pain.
    I get it.
    My dear friend disappearing before my eyes & I can’t do anything to change the situation.
    I question why these things happen.
    What possible reason to take a young life?
    The answer?:

    We’ll never know.

  4. Gary Moore says:

    I too lost my son, 15 years ago next week. He was 20 and had a heart condition, but was doing fine. The writings of Mo are so in parallel with my own feelings that it is uncanny. And his describing “committed acceptance” is so true for me and the way my grieving process transpired.
    Kevin walked into the hospital on his own on a Tuesday morning, and four weeks to the day my wife and I both knew completely independently in our nighttime thoughts that during that night his soul had left the physical. It was time to let him go from the machines.
    Mo’s words ring so true to me “My son’s physical form was born, and my son’s physical form decayed. But the essence of my son, his consciousness, has never gone anywhere. His body will never again live — that’s committed acceptance — but his consciousness never died.”
    How do I cope? I know that the spirit of my some continues to exist. It is there motivating me as I continue to make huge shifts and execute in my ambitions and new endeavors. Another country, another career, discovering personal attributes I never realized I had. I am at peace that my son’s spirit stays with me. He is not “in a better place” as people may say to someone grieving, he’s in a different space.
    Thank you Scott for posting this article, how timely for me during this month. I know I will read more of Mo’s writing. He feels like a kindred friend already.

  5. Claire Felong says:

    I am glad he had the time, self-knowledge and resources to turn his life in another positive direction. For many struggling people the options for quitting or changing jobs is not always there. Some have faith and other communities to support and guide them through grief, how do we reach those going through it alone?

  6. ROSA says:

    I am so sorry for your loss. This is more than anyone can imagine. You beautifully stated that committed acceptance is necessary, I have never thought of this before and it makes perfect sense. I need help with the happiness premise. Part of being fully human is to experience all states of being, sometimes even all, in one day, month, year, or lifetime. I have been working hard to help my children learn to find happiness now in what is or within them—the beauty of a humble gesture, nature, friendships, experiences, etc. And that contentment is a form of happiness. Chasing happiness and being happy are so very different.

  7. Patrick says:

    Ugh.

  8. Anthony Saccon says:

    Thousands of candles can be lighted from a candle and the like fe of the candle will not be shortened Happiness never decreases by being share. Mo Gowdat light up all of us and we can do the same every day within the Companirs we work, in our family and anyone who cross our life. Thank you for sharing such vibrant post. So greatful.

  9. Monica Vila says:

    I loved reading this as I truly believe that those who’ve died are not just gone. There is no way a bond that exists between say mother and child can just disappear with physical death.
    For me, this line was revelatory: “Death is not the opposite of life. Death is the opposite of birth.”
    Ever so true 🙏🏻

  10. Bob says:

    WOW. The story about the tragedy of his son dying is heartbreaking and his finding his purpose in this tragedy to make people happy is noble and worthy. Not sure how he thinks AI and him are going to make a billion people happy though. I worry that the opposite will happen. So far, Tech has a terrible record when it comes advancing our culture to a more purposeful and harmonious life. The opposite is the case…Face Book, Tik Tok, Twitter, Porn, and the collective social media companies have made billions while our sense of community has deteriorated into tribes at war with each other, sometimes literally. Tech, too often, brings out our worst. Our kids are addicted to social media and their phones. Can that possibly be good? The notion that AI is going to change this is folly, worse, hubris. I am fearful that AI will become just another tool to wreak havoc on our lives, under guise of making a few things better. I wish he would focus on using AI to prove there are universal truths that transcend our belief that truth is relative and mine to choose. That would be something helpful. Making people happy is a fleeting, momentary feeling that does not last, and creates addictions…why do people take drugs and drink too much…to help them feel happier…it is a false god. We should not be worshipping the the god of happiness and instead focus our lives on meaning and purpose.

    • Bhasy says:

      Under the shadow of the Turing test and the AI illusion, top researchers in the field are motivated to reach human parity, and the field tends to value and respect such achievements ahead of MU. This then biases innovation toward finding ways of taking tasks away from workers and allocating them to AI programs. This problem is, of course, amplified by financial incentives coming from large organizations intent on cost cutting by using algorithms… The tech community did not have to be mesmerized by machine intelligence instead of working on machine usefulness.
      ( Except from the book Daron Acemoglu and Simon Johnson’s brilliant and deeply-researched book, Power and Progress )

  11. Anna says:

    I lost my daughter, as well. I would love to speak to you about your understanding of consciousness.

  12. Anna says:

    I lost my daughter, as eell

  13. Jason says:

    Thank you for sharing Mo’s story, Scott.
    I had to say goodbye to my Dad this week.
    This helped.

  14. Florence says:

    Thank you George for sending me to this reading written by Mo via your Instagram live today.
    It is a very valuable piece for those living with grief.

  15. Craig Stanley says:

    Thank you for sharing such personal, difficult reflections. It puts so much into perspective for me.

  16. Lorraine Marler says:

    Mo is no doubt a new and great spiritual teacher! I say new – that in the fact that many have come over thousands of years. He is ‘of the moment’ – his background in the latest technology. And yet his inspirational words have the great depth of a deeply spiritual man. He is of ‘his time’ and a light in today’s busy technological world. Listen to his wisdom!

  17. L sky says:

    Superb article. I seek to dwell more on topic. Aim to help others in grieving when I retire, so seek to learn more about it. Any way to follow articles from writer??

  18. Silis says:

    Let’s all be happy. Together, as one. Thanks for sharing Mo.

  19. Seb says:

    Listening to this whilst walking my two year old daughter to her swimming lesson… Thanks to Mo Gawdat for sharing 🙏 not easy to talk about that kind of loss.

  20. Harman says:

    Together we are all One.
    Thnk you.

  21. Roque says:

    “Untethered Soul” and “How We Live is How We Die” are two excellent books that help with loss and understanding.

  22. Sam Farling says:

    “There is a final state of Being and Consciousness in which alone perfect bliss is found, to which every religion bears witness. This state transcends all concepts of the mind and images of the senses, and is known only when the Divine Being chooses to reveal himself to man. This is the ultimate mystery, the ultimate truth, to which everything in nature aspires, but which so transcends the whole order of nature that it appears as darkness rather than light, as something unreal or illusory, as a Void, a Silence, a Negation of Being. And yet such is the witness of every great religious tradition: in this Void, in this Darkness, in this Silence, all fullness, all light, all truth, all goodness, all love, all joy, all peace, all happiness is to be found.”
    Dom Bede Griffiths, OSB
    Vedanta and Christian Faith
    Clearlake, CA: Dawn Horse Press, 1991, p 163

  23. Sam Farling says:

    Yes. We are, in our essence, consciousness. To get beyond the conditioning of superficial mental activity is what meditation is all about. I use the TM technique, and have for 50 years: TM.org .

  24. Michael Freedman says:

    Awesome. Thanks for sharing!

  25. Michael says:

    Stunningly insightful post. Thank you. Life is so rich…

  26. Kevin Sweeney says:

    Thank you for your comforting words Mr Gawdat
    I lost the love of my life last year and losing her is still weighing so heavy on my heart
    Your story gave my heart some peace and much hope that she is safe and happy and free
    Count me among the billion people that you sought to bring joy❤️‍🩹

  27. Tony says:

    Beautiful, insightful post. Thank You for sharing your journey.

    Once, I was fortunate enough to have a long conversation with a writer-singer who has had stunning global success but also deep personal losses.
    He talked about the chasm between the two…essentially navigating between the Scylla and Charybdis — fear and courage.

    And that there is no definitive compass — yet to seek a “true north in the face of tragedy” is at least a direction — an attempt. (BTW – the same holds true in the face of blinding success).

    And, as Mo writes so well, there is no right or wrong feeling along that path.

  28. Connors says:

    Thank you for enlightening us in such a beautiful
    way. Accepting physical death is a journey of deep and difficult growth. Sharing your findings is a gift to all of us who have lived through immense pain and to those who inevitably will experience it.

  29. Steven Gendel says:

    Mo, thank you for putting into words what was in my soul. I lost my son too at 22 years old. He was my only child. The thing that is different due to my son’s medical needs from an early age we knew we would outlive him. That knowledge RADICALLY changed our behavior to make every day count because we never knew which day would be the end. Thank you for your story and may you bring happiness to a billion more.

    • Joellyn Coor says:

      Thank you so much. Grief is everywhere, but so is happiness.. By having the loved one, We lost Makes us a part of each other. I believe that’s what makes us truly understand grief and love period
      Period

  30. Laura Schroeder says:

    You have found your way around an unimaginable loss with true grace and honesty, I applaud you. I lost my soul mate and have journeyed far to come to your committed acceptance. I like that idea. Much love

  31. JOHN S. says:

    Remember where you were 1 billion years ago? That’s where you go back to after death.

  32. Evan says:

    Having also lost a son you spoke to me as a guru. Thank you

  33. Lisa says:

    I don’t know you as a business person (should I?) but I now know you as Ali’s dad. What an honor. I am Chloe’s mom, also a trophy/prize/reward for being part of her journey, which also ended early and surprisingly. To me, grief is a chronic condition; a disability you can’t see — one I’m oddly oriented to and has me comfortable on my knees. I accept that forward motion and strength is not a given. And I’m not sure why it is considered a goal — true wisdom is found at lower altitudes.:) Wishing you courageous and vivid memories of your son, Mr. Gawdat.

  34. Mike says:

    Thank you for your thought’s. It changed my perspective of being at this ‘physical planet’.

  35. David Eads says:

    Wow. Thank you!

  36. Muhammad Naqvi says:

    Rest in peace. Thank you for sharing this beautiful story.

  37. POH Thiam Huat says:

    Mr. MO Gawdat, I cannot put it better 👍. Thanks for sharing your thoughts 🤝
    RIP to your little Prince 🙏🏻

  38. Peter Cowen says:

    Beautiful, touching, profound. In today’s world it is so hard to get through and your message resonates powerfully and simply. Thank you.

  39. j maher says:

    wow.
    My life just changed for the better.
    Thank you

  40. Vivian Leite says:

    Beautiful

  41. Baber Amin says:

    Thank you for sharing this Mo and thank you Scott for allowing Mo to use your platform. I thought i was going to say something profound, but seriously i have no words. This will stick with me in the back of my head and i hope it will change me for the better. I am truly sorry for your loss Mo.

  42. Suzie Kidder says:

    This one “Lit People Up.” I read a few of the comments and they do fall into 2 distinct “Camps/Ideologies – the Expansive and the Binary. Fortunately we each get to choose. I’m with Mo – where he “went” in his own life and his philosophy was … heck “inspirational” would be the 1st word that comes to mind … so I guess I’m just going to go with it …..

  43. Suzie Kidder says:

    I breed Abyssinian cats – the modern descendants of the Egyptian Temple Cats … at least that’s what they believe. And I had a boy who developed cancer. We fought for months, but finally there was nothing left in the physical form with which to fight. And as my veterinarian gave him “that shot,” I heard a voice in the center of my head say, “Don’t Ever be afraid to “put a cat to sleep” again. This is Not the End.” I’ve never doubted that since. This utter acceptance & understanding is a Gift … a wisdom born in Sorrow and offered as a gift to those who are open to the Lesson.

  44. Michael Esser says:

    It is truly heartbreaking to see someone who has dedicated their life to tech and has worked for a tech company that has so blatantly overpromised what it would achieve for mankind (“Do no evil.”), struggle with coming to terms with a personal tragedy and ultimately not make it. All I can say is the solution to this, if ever there is any or if one can call it at all a ‘solution’ is not in tech but most likely in the most distant place from it that you can ever find in your mind.

  45. Rick Shane says:

    Thank you for posting Mo’s words.
    I too have the same beliefs that he discusses however with different names.
    In the most simplistic terms I view the “consciousness” as drops of rain that fall to Earth and then evaporate back to their source. If we ever understand the Universe’s origin, purpose and fate we will surely understand the “Consciousness”.

  46. Matt says:

    Thank you for sharing this. It had a real impact on me as was just let go from a job, while were expecting a child. Thank you.

  47. Peter Geller says:

    This is sweet nonsense, wishful thinking. Grief can cause people to clutch at any fantasy for consolation, the less provable, the better. I’m surprised Prof. Galloway endorses such delusional tripe.

  48. Trent Klarenbacb says:

    Thank you for sharing this story.

  49. Phyllis Aguilar says:

    How beautiful and peaceful this leaves us feeling. Thank you.

  50. Zack Duncan says:

    This is beautifully written and very moving. Thank you for sharing, Mo. I am sorry for your deep loss and I admire how you’ve allowed your suffering to lead to such a change in life. Your son was clearly a very special person and his legacy lives on with you.

    You ask the following about death: “Has anyone ever come back?”

    There is a significant portion of the world that believes the answer to that question is, “yes, there was one who did.” If that belief is wrong then those who believe that have a faith that is worthless (1 Corinthians 15:14). But if it is right, then there is a hope in the resurrection that could allow for more not only committed acceptance to the tragedies in this life, but a complete restoration in the life to come.

    I know that’s not always a popular perspective amongst a savvy and well-educated crowd, but thought it was worth sharing.

    Regardless, I wish you all the very best and am grateful to you for sharing here.

  51. Chris, Westfall says:

    An exceptional tribute. Very well written.

    • Betty Torres says:

      My 42 yr. Old Son just recently passed away on 6/29/23! Very Unexpectedly he saved a 9 yr. Lil Girl Alejandra drowning…I am in the beginning of the Grieving Process. I have had lots of Loss prior to his death. But to Lose a Child is the most difficult pain a Parent can endure. I don’t know how long or if I will ever feel whole again! I had 4 children he was my eldest Son n I literally feel as though a part of me has been yanked away! My Sorrow and Pain is Deep! I do believe in Jesus Christ and that he rose again from his death. He Lives! I also believe my Son okay and in God’s presence! He is unfortunately no longer here on Earth, for me to ever see again hug or talk to. That is the hardest reality to process! Our bodies however are just a housing for our souls and when God takes us from this earth we are free of all the pain and suffering we’ve endured here on earth! He is in a much more Beautiful Place! However the fact is that regardless of that I am going to miss him tremendously! May my Son Rest In Peace and he will Forever Live in My Heart till we meet again! Mo your inspiring story of the loss and love for your Son is greatly appreciated! I’m sure your Son’s wish to help Billions of People has come to Life with the willingness in your heart to do so. Would definitely like to read your book. Condolences on the Loss of your Wonderful Son Ali! God Bless You! Sincerely Betty

      • Radhika says:

        What a deeply moving and heartfelt note. It resonates with each one of us because to love is to lose someone dear.
        Thank you for sharing your experience with such honesty, and for teaching to chase the light of hope, to honor those we love with intent and action to better lives.

  52. Kobi says:

    Beautiful, thank you

    • Ria L says:

      Mo, what you have shared is a tremendous help. I lost my mom four months ago. There was a medical mistake and she suffered tremendously and died. At times I try to comfort myself by telling myself that the death of my mom is the circle of life, yet within a few minutes that excuse doesn’t eliminate my grief. For the rest of my life I have to live without my best friend and the experience of seeing her suffer at the mistake of another human being. The committed is what I truly need to work on and I’m going to start tomorrow. Thank you for your wisdom.

  53. Phillip says:

    my sentiments exactly

    • Sasha Bee says:

      Hi, I am so sorry to hear about Mr Mo Shawdat’s experience. Somehow or the other, I have heard his story before even though I have never heard of his name, his role at Google Moonshot labs nor his background. It was like I somehow relived his trauma while his son was in ICU. This reminds me of the work of Mr Rupert Sheldrake on morphic fields and social resonances.

  54. Leilani Schweitzer says:

    I admire your grace and peace. After losing my son, Gabriel, because of multiple medical errors seventeen years ago, I know your current state was hard fought. It was not a painless realization, but now I see my son’s life was exactly as it was supposed to be, not as I wanted it, but no less perfect. Like you feel Ali, I feel Gabriel everywhere, reminding me are all connected.

  55. EfD says:

    Beautifully thought, and written. A shining tribute, carry on! Peace & Love e

  56. Martha Randolph says:

    Incredibly moving and pertinent. And reminded me to set my baseline of committee acceptance so that I could let some old things go and embrace the reality of present things. Thanks for introducing Mo to me. I’ll be back for more.

  57. Scott Gould says:

    Hmmm

    The irony of this post, on a blog that is often all about capitalism and money (it’s written and read by people who are already wealthy, who want more wealth)

    I admire Scott’s amazing mind, but I don’t get this.

    Genuinely looking for anyone who can give a perspective that can help me, because this just feels really hypocritical to me

    • Vijay Gupta says:

      It is not hypocritical. Death often brings people back to a different set of ground realities.
      What matters in life when you are young, healthy and rich is different from what matters when you old, sick or near death. The reality of life is that almost everybody goes through both these stages. Changing your perspective to reflect your changing situation is not hypocrisy.

    • christian says:

      Hey Scott, Prof G, while a ‘full throat capitalist,’ has spoken many times about happiness. His posts on the Algebra of Happiness are some of the most viewed. I’d also suggest that there are likely many readers who would qualify as wealthy, there are also many younger readers looking to gain knowledge to better position themselves in the world, professionally and personally – I think both are elements of the Algebra of Happiness. My two cents.

    • Varun says:

      What do you find to be hypocritical about this post?

  58. Paul Gralen says:

    As I struggle with a rapid and difficult deterioration due to ALS, which I was diagnosed with only 5 months ago, my wife and I go through the “committed acceptance” struggle every day. It is hard every day to believe this is happening to me/us. I had just retired after teaching middle school art for 20 years, and we had plans and a big bucket list that included travel, a potential move back to NYC, our home many years ago, and a big heaping portion of fun. Instead, we have been thrust into a new way of being in the world that daily demands an open acknowledgement that I will probably not be around for too much longer. This was not on our bingo card, but here we are. This article resonated thoroughly and deeply with me, and made me remember and hold dear the thing we repeat to each other and to ourselves every day: she will help me to die, and I will help her to live. And no matter what, or when, or where, I will always be with her.

    • Goodman, David says:

      Thank you, Paul, for your inspired words. May the bingo game offer you and your wife surprisingly good numbers in the time ahead. All good blessings on you and your family.

  59. Jamey Austin says:

    Very moving, clearheaded, and true. Thank you.

  60. Gregory Frank says:

    Thank you for sharing your message with us… everything you wrote resonated with me. If this were a Q&A I’d ask what you mean by how consciousness “comes into existence when that physical form is created nor goes out of existence when the form decays”. I apologize if I missed the point but this is challenging my fundamental beliefs about the universe. What is it about your son that you still feel? What is it about yourself you know if part of a larger consciousness? How do you tap into it? What can we learn from seeing the world in this way?
    Thank you Mo and Prof G.

    • Anonymous Peach says:

      I think it’s like closing your eyes everyday and falling asleep. When you’re under, you aren’t conscious. I think that’s an experience akin to death. You won’t be conscious in death. Unless of course we could ask an Egyptian pharaoh what it’s like to pass through the field of reeds and also experience death and rebirth? I have this theory that there is a type of cosmic consciousness that is in all living creatures. When we’re developing, it sleeps in our body, when we are born, it animates us. Sort of a life force, but its different yet same as our soul.

  61. Suzie Kidder says:

    This is just exquisite, written in the energy that brings a lump in your throat and tears that don’t quite come. Truth Beyond Any Doubt can do that. I think this is true for both human beings and some 4-legged spirits. I had a MUCH LOVED Abyssinian cat with whom I was bonded beyond the “usual.” He developed cancer, and we fought together until it was obvious that the “fight was over” – at least on the physical plane. At precisely the moment when my veterinarian gave him “that shot” and he “went limp,” I heard a voice in the middle of my head say, “Don’t ever be afraid to put a cat ‘to sleep’ again.

    This is Not the End. I’ve never doubted the truth of that message from that moment forward.

  62. Joannie Burstein Besser says:

    So much love and acceptance flowing from
    Mo’s words and perspective on life and death. Gratitude to you both for sharing.

  63. Zak Columber says:

    This was so beautiful, it made me cry. Thank you for sharing.

  64. Vijay Gupta says:

    “That aspect of life, I will call it consciousness, is distinct from the physical form in which it resides. It neither comes into existence when that physical form is created nor goes out of existence when the form decays. Death is not the opposite of life. Death is the opposite of birth. Life exists before, during, and after. My son’s physical form was born, and my son’s physical form decayed. But the essence of my son, his consciousness, has never gone anywhere. His body will never again live — that’s committed acceptance — but his consciousness never died.”

    This paragraph largely summarizes the essential points of Vedanta – the ancient Indian philosophy of life and death. The consciousness is called ‘aatman’ in Sanskrit. Aatman is loosely, but poorly, translated in English as soul.

  65. Carolyna De Laurentiis says:

    Mo, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I lost both of my parents shortly after becoming a parent myself, and I cannot tell you what a transformative experience that has been for me. I am inspired by your journey and the process with which you have arrived to a new calling– one that is oriented towards helping others. I am on a similar quest myself. May your sons memory be a blessing.

  66. Ebube Agu says:

    This is so beautifully said and I receive this message while navigating a recent similar trauma. Thanks Mo and Prof G!

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